


Yulepassing 2018 - Yulepassing Merriment Activity

by yntsire



Category: Homestuck, Vast Error
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 06:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17116340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yntsire/pseuds/yntsire





	Yulepassing 2018 - Yulepassing Merriment Activity

PREAMBLE: Please go easy on this one in terms of specifics about troll relationships and/or anatomy. Had three tabs open for reference on them all, but I very likely missed some very obvious things. Hope you all enjoy it regardless!

======

Yulepassing Merriment Activity

Twas the best of the best of times, twas the worst of the worst times. Actually, no it was beyond question the worst of the worst times. Arcjec knew this. Anyone with a quarter of a working think-pan would, but Arcjec especially knew this. While all days averaged out on the scale of unbearable for him, it was this time in particular that was the worst offender. Yulepassing, the unwelcome, unceremonious, and un-beloved time that came about far too often. The time when their literal global corporate overlords engaged in the most laughable fassad of encouraging “merriment” and “pleasant feelings” amongst all trolls. Ignoring for a second the reality that the troll race was anything but a putrid stew overflowing with psychopaths, self-righteous nards, and literal murders. The attempts Corporate made to hide their cold, profit-obsessed, and heartless grip on the lives of every living soul might’ve put a smile on Arcjec’s face. When the hole he shoved it in to block everything else out was still being shoveled.  
Unfortunately Arcjec was not amongst the lifeless, uncaring, and useless dirt today, the closest thing to worthy company he could ask for. Instead he was being dragged along by a goody-goody canine boy and his equally goody-goody matesprit. Where, you might ask? Well, you’re not the only one. Arcjec’s been asking that question since he was kidnapped from his respiteblock literal hours ago by the sickeningly mushy couple. Maybe asking the thirty-eighth time will yield some new information.  
“I think the point of me becoming a broken record has long since passed,” Arcjec began, “but do I have any chance of learning where the fuck we’ve been walking to for the past three hours?”  
“Arcjec, I think each of us have answered this question almost a dozen times,” said the admittedly tempered blue furry. I mean, Laivan. Arcjec ran a hand through his hair.  
“The prisoner doesn’t really get a say on where their executed, I know, but I might as well be blind-folded if I’m just going to be left in the dark.”  
“You’re not going to be executed, Arcjec,” said Serpaz with a deliberate sigh.  
“Oh, so it’ll be a slow death then,” Arcjec replied, “Locked in a room somewhere being pumped with poison that slowly robs me of my senses one by one. Can’t say it isn’t fitting. Death imitating life.”  
“Nope, not that either bud.” Laivan said.  
“Then maybe I’ll be strapped down to a banner pole, meant to be hung atop Corprat HQ.  
Subject to the skin piercing winds, eventually craving it all to end.”  
“Oh god, no! No death. No torture, no pain, and no poison!” Serpaz said. Arcjec finally  
locked eyes with her, ready to challenge that statement.  
“Okay, so then what?”  
This time it was Laivan letting out a sign. Arcjec looked up and turned his attention  
onto blue troll.  
“We’re going to be spending the day at a Corporate Merriment Center.”  
Arcjec just blinked at him, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
“Whyyy…?”  
Laivan seemed to be ready for this, as he pulled out a flier from his pocket and held it  
directly in front of Arcjec’s face.  
“Quote, ‘To participate in the wide variety of engaging, enjoyable, and legal mandate  
enforceable Yulepassing Merriment Activities.’ ”  
Arcjec studied the flyer in front of him, then looked back up to Laivan with obvious  
confusion. He rolled his eyes, giving a brief glance to Serpaz who was just as exasperated.  
“Simple version, Corporate is making everyone take part in one of these,” Laivan  
explained, “You should’ve gotten this letter in the post.”  
“You know I don’t go anywhere near that tumorous pile of letters at my block’s entrance.”  
“So we noticed as we had to climb in from the back window,” Serpaz added. Laivan  
folded the flyer back up into his pocket.  
“You should’ve at least seen their email about it.”  
Arcjec wasn’t sure how low his brows could go to show his contempt, but they were  
giving it their best shot. Laivan quickly realized how stupid his comment was.  
“Yeah, you probably didn’t see it through those viruses,” he admitted, “Anyway, they’ll be  
checking their databases that everyone registers at one of the centers.”  
“Since we didn’t have anything going on today, we decided to take care of it sooner  
rather than later,” Serpaz continued the thought, “We knew you’d probably not bother with it and end up stuck in a pool with trolls you never even knew existed, which brings us to here.”  
Arcjec straighten himself up at that.  
“I, uh… thanks then,” he mumbled out.  
Laivan flashed his canine canines.  
“No problem dude. I just hope we’re not late.”  
“Why would we be late? The day’s barely half-over.” Arcjec asked.  
“Oh, cause we asked Murrit to reserve the center, and knowing him everyone is probably  
already there.”  
That tiny flutter of warmth in Arcjec’s stomach felt like it was suddenly about to lurch out  
mouth like a gyser.  
“What do you mean, everyone?” He asked.  
“Uh, all our friends?” Laivan answered.  
“Everyone?” Arcjec asked.  
“Everyone!” Serpaz said with a smile.  
As the two lovebirds suffocating everything in a nine-mile radius led onwards, Arcjec  
kept his eyes out for any cliffs high enough for a lethal swan-dive.

======

Having no luck with the cliffs, Arcjec now stood before a very new, very big, and very Corporate building. To describe the shadowy-silver structure as “plain” was certainly off the mark, but “unique” might also be as well. Arcjec could only guess that around several dozen hives would fit rather comfortably inside an eyesore like this. Given that it was only to be used by twelve people for a few hours, it clearly aligned with Corporate’s blissful ignorance of Repiton’s slow but imminent demise. Of more pressing concern to Arcjec were the nine other people waiting behind these doors. Not to mention the god-forsaken “merriment activity” they were being forced to participate in.  
Arcjec watched as Laivan approached the doors, which didn’t open. Arcjec’s mood improved slightly as he watched the canine struggle uselessly pulling at them.  
“Oh, well isn’t that’s just the pits,” Arcjec began, not really trying to sound upset, “The actually kind of offensive waste of space and resources won’t let us inside.”  
Arcjec pivoted on his foot back towards the way they came.  
“Ah well, guess we’ll just have to not acknowledge this scam of a holiday in our pump biscuits.”  
Arcjec rather proudly began to strut back down the road, eyes shut, when he nearly tripped on something and actually lost his balance. From the ground he looked up to see Serpaz had blocked his path, and flashed him a satisfied grin.  
“Laivan!” She called.  
Arcjec tilted his head back to see Laivan turn their way. Serpaz began pointing to something, and the other two followed the motion to a rather well-hidden, tablet-sized screen on the side of the doors. Laivan waved his hand in front of it, and it came to life with a dull green glow.  
“Greetings Valued Citizen,” a dispassionate synthesized voice bled out, “Please place finger on button at the bottom of the panel.”  
Arcjec watched as Laivan obeyed the request, Serpaz close behind and almost herding him back to the door. There was a soft electronic beep from the panel, and then-  
“Ow,” Laivan exclaimed, pulling his hand back and giving his finger a quick suck. The screen flashed blue, the same shade as Laivan’s blood.  
“Laivan Ferroo, Yulepassing Merriment participation registered,” The voice stated, “Next Valued Citizen please place finger on button at the bottom of the panel.”  
Laivan looked at Arcjec and Serpaz, who gave each other a brief glance. Seeing the hesitation in his eyes, Serpaz gave Arcjec a reassuring pat on the head and stepped forward. Arcjec could feel himself getting colder as Serpaz’s finger was pricked and blood was taken. The screen flashed Serpaz’s shade of cyan.  
“Serpaz Helilo, Yulepassing Merriment participation registered. Next Valued Citizen please place finger on button at the bottom of the panel.”  
Arcjec didn’t budge from where he was standing.  
“Next Valued Citizen please place finger on button at the bottom of the panel,” the voice repeated.  
Arcjec glanced over to see both Serpaz and Laivan sucking on their fingers, patiently waiting for him to just get this over with. With a defeated groan, Arcjec approached the panel and placed a slightly shaking finger on the button. The soft electronic beep was followed by what could only have been a longer than necessary needle piercing his lone digit. After a brief suctioning feeling, the needle retracted almost as fast as Arcjec’s hand did from the button. A small trickle of his syrup-colored blood slid down his hand. He fought the urge to join the others in using his wounded finger as a pacifier, but today was not the day worth risking an infection for whatever still remained of his pride. While contemplating how he never cut himself on his own stupidly sharp teeth before, the screen flashed his blood color.  
“Arcjec Voorat, Yulepassing Merriment participation registered,” the voice said, “Please enjoy your event, and embrace the true meaning of Yulepassing.”  
At that, the three trolls nearly jumped back as the doors began to slowly creep open. Arcjec could suddenly feel the panic, that should’ve already crippled him at the mere hint of this situation, now come to surface.  
“Okay, no bullshit,” Arcjec began, finger still in his mouth, “I do not think I have the mental or verbal capacity to properly educate either of you about how much I don’t want to be here.”  
“I hear you dude, but trust me this will be good for all of us,” Laivan said with a smile.  
“And look Arcjec,” Serpaz started as she intertwined a hand with Laivan’s, “if you’re that uncomfortable then just don’t say anything at all! I’m sure our friends will pick up on that and they’ll leave you be.”  
Arcjec paused at the suggestion. Examining the now closed wound on his finger, he ran the scenario through his head. Surprising even himself, he liked the results.  
“You know, that sounds like the type of thing told to whining wriggles to shut them up, but that actually is a great fucking idea.”  
“Glad I could help,” said Serpaz.  
“Thank the nice lady, Arcjec,” advised Laivan.  
“...” said Arjec. Laivan gave a slight scowl at his friend’s smart-assery.  
“Yeah, okay. I give it ten minutes.”

======

The march into the facility somehow felt even longer than the several hour voyage to the day-prison in the first place. While the matesprits laughed and giggled like morons ahead, Arcjec found himself trailing further and further behind. The “keep your squawk gaper shut for a day” idea required little to no effort on his part, but Arcjec realized that quietly sneaking out of this metal doombox might actually be even easier.  
Peaking back at the open doors, Arcjec began to game out a plan of escape when that opening began to shrink. Before he could even take a step back, the doors slammed shut at what was a likely lethal speed. The cracking boom nearly caused the now trapped troll to fall on his ass for a second time in less than five minutes. Finding his footing, Arcjec slowly picked up on a growing chatter behind him. It would appear that the loud slamming boom proclaimed his arrival for all to hear, like a drunken minstral hurling into an eighty-foot amp.  
“Oi, look who finally joined this dank-ass part-aye!” shouted a rather insufferable voice.  
Arcjec watched as Murrit, seemingly never without his shitty sunglasses and beach shirt, was already chumming it up with Laivan and Serpaz. Arcjec deliberately stayed on the perimeter of what he now realised was a marked floor. The various black lines divided several neighborhoods of stone floor into various arenas, clearly meant for whatever damned activity a group chose to undertake.  
Out of the literal spotlights hanging above them, Arcjec gave the group a once-over to take a headcount. Of course Laivan and Serpaz were deep into conversation with Murrit and now Sovara, and the roster was only growing. Calder sipped from a drink in his hand, the only one Arcjec could see anyone holding, and like always it wasn’t going down well. He approached the gaggle of giggling trolls with some comment he thought profound, but a few smirks and nods later it was largely forgotten. Against the wall that seemed very out of place in the empty hanger bay, Arcjec smirked at seeing Dismas also keeping his distance from the group. Someone else was next to him, and Arcjec could see Dismas’s posture loosening a tiny bit as he listened to them. The person was just far enough away that Arcjec couldn’t make out who it was, but he was willing to guess it was Dismas’s moirail.  
The last new face he caught was Albion’s, whose apparent joke he had missed now had most of the group laughing. She seemed to ask something, which had Murrit giving a very exaggerated count on his fingers. He paused at what looked like nine. Arcjec surmised they we figuring out how many had actually shown up to this pointless festive charade, as it likely involved everyone being split into two even teams. Troll culture, Corporate or otherwise, was seemingly obsessed like an addict over putting everything possible into even teams. Arcjec wanted to blame a small bulge inside every working think-pan (which he had totally researched and in no way made up) called the “symmetry choker”, but his study was still ongoing.  
Thoughts of extremely real research that was totally being done were cut short when Arcjec noticed Laivan chuckle and point behind him. Soon everyone’s attention turned onto him, their eyes like a pack of hungry huntingbeasts. Some of their looks softened, others shrugged, while some (Murrit) flung his arms around into poses that Arcjec hoped were greetings. Suddenly overwhelmed with the attention, Arcjec glued his eyes to the floor beside him. The last finger on Murrit’s hand came up, meaning Arcjec was the tenth person accounted for. Wait…  
Arcjec’s eyes widened as his head shot up. Hurriedly looking through the crowd before him, who had all returned to their conversations, Arcjec again counted only eight people. If he was the tenth, then where was number ni-  
“I should be making a wish on the fucking imploding stars. Who managed to pull your ungrateful ass out of your hive?”  
Oh sweet troll Jesus, no. If Arcjec’s eyes were glued to floor before, they were now welded to it with a blowtorch. He could feel his head starting to spin. No one had given him anything to drink, so someone must of spiked the air he breathed in. That was the only explanation for how his survival instincts had been so easily pacified until this exact moment. Now the thought of being surrounded by a sea of trolls he’d have never known existed was a distant paradise in his mind.  
“Hey, are you even listening?” Taz asked, presumably beside him. Arcjec wondered how  
much more effort not existing would add to his current state of not talking or moving. Surely with a little bit more willpower, he could attain true nothingness. That’s what troll Buddha said, right? Arcjec’s skin felt like it was literally rippling up and down, and before he could decipher the warning his head was tilted back and his vision was completely filled with painted troll-clown face.  
“Is your think-pan still in one piece?” the clown girl asked with a somewhat concerned tone. Even though Arcjec stood taller than most other trolls, he was always beyond discomfort when someone taller loomed over him like this. In particular, when this specific troll did it. He had to admit, she had caught him in a downright unwinnable scenario. The muscley troll-clown didn’t have to worry about him pulling out of her light grasp, and he couldn’t shut his eyes and block her out without causing a scene and attracting even more attention to himself. Thus the only way to get out of this situation was to speak, and that was the one petty thing he was going to cling onto tightly. So he ended up just sort of, hanging there. Taz was clearly waiting for some sort of response, but after a few minutes of blank staring she sighed and spun him around. Catching him before he lost his balance for a third time, she wiped off some apparent dust from his sweatshirt.  
“Jeez, you really can’t take care of yourself, huh?”  
She brought her hand up to his head, and Arcjec failed to suppress a recoiling twitch. Surprisingly, Taz gave what had to be a pout at his reaction, but still reached forward and brushed some pieces of dirt out of his hair.  
“Nine sweeps and still this out of sorts,” she lectured, “what are we going to do with you, Arcjec?”  
You could take several well-appreciated steps, the fuck, back, and not clean me up like I’m the latest addition to your Mirthamaniac action-toy collection.  
Arcjec wisely kept the comment to himself, as even he could admit it was not going to do him any favors. Taz was weirdly behaving herself, or at least not thrashing him about like a chew-toy. Plus if they had to interact as group for the rest of the day, he might as well not make it any more miserable for himself by deliberately pissing her off.  
Content with her work, Taz pulled herself back and gave a proud smirk.  
“At least someone knows how to make you look presentable.”  
Arcjec didn’t say or do anything, just looked back at her. At the non-response, Taz bent forward.  
“ ‘Thank you Taz’,” she said in bad impression of him, “ ‘I can’t express just how happy I am that someone with a rock-solid head on their shoulders cares enough to clean my ragamuffin ass up.’ “  
“You’re welcome Arcjec,” she said taking her place again, “It is a burden that not many are willing to carry. But one I do with pride.”  
She flashed an over-dramatic pose of confidence, which she seemed to know was ridiculous. When no response came, she melted back to just standing once again. Part of the reason Arcjec didn’t look away now was that he was waiting to see just how long it took for the purple rage to flare up in Taz’s eyes.  
To his ongoing shock, it still hadn’t come. For the first time since he had met Taz, Arcjec saw something he recognized everyday on himself but was incredibly unnatural on her: hesitation. There was a clear discomfort in her body language, which is what actually appeared in her eyes as she re-made eye contact with him.  
“So… Yulepassing Activity,” she started, “Seemed like giant waste of my time today, but Albion and Sovara practically dragged me here.”  
Taz looked over at the group, Arcjec taking a peak as well. Both sets of Matesprits were laughing it up in the center of the group. If there were anyone who truly could understand this manufactured holiday’s meaning, it was those four.  
“If I had to guess, I’m not alone in feeling that,” Taz said, now looking back at Arcjec. Maybe it was just not wanting to cause a catastrophe in front of others, but Taz appeared to be trying to just talk. Not shout, not lecture, not order, just talk. Arcjec couldn’t remember how long its been since that was a thing. She reached towards him again, and Arcjec repeated his earlier reaction though somewhat less dramatic. Taz brushed a stray clump of hair out of his face.  
“You could really use a hair cut,” she said through a smirk. When Arcjec again did not  
respond, Taz stepped back and ran a hand through her own hair. After a deep breath, she looked back at him with what could only be described as a hint of vulnerability.  
“Look, Arcjec, I’ve been doing some… intense thinking,” she said while hiding the fist she reflexively made, “I feel- I want, us to just sit down and talk.”  
Arcjec stiffened at the confession, which Taz immediately picked up on began to clarify.  
“Wait, no, I don’t mean today!” she blurted out “I’m not just going to dump a heaping load like that on someone. Just, soon, when we’re both ready, I think it might be good for each of us to jus-”  
A loud and heavy creeking voice cut Taz off and caught both of them off guard. The doors parted open in front of them, as two figures approached. Arcjec tried to get a better look at the new arrivals, but Taz pressed him behind her. Her focus was directly ahead, so she probably didn’t even notice her tightening grip was suffocating him against her side. Maybe she was attempting to be a meat shield, but Arcjec couldn’t see against what.  
“Oh shit,” exclaimed Murrit, suddenly standing next to the two of them, “The big guns have arrived at the bumping station! This party just triple-axeled into a fucking rager!”  
Arcjec could feel the confusion on his face. He wasn’t sure anyone actually understood what the frat-fish was saying. Maybe everyone just got really lucky at guessing? Regardless the grip Taz had on his shoulder tightened further, and Arcjec was pressed cheek to rib against her. Two sets of footsteps drew closer, and Arcjec looked up to see Occeus with a large scowl across his face.  
“If by a ‘fucking rager’, you mean a day of perfectly good work lost to the void, I must begrudgingly agree,” Occeus said through clenched teeth.  
“Naw, man, I meant a kick-ass, heading banging soiree, with all the best folks!” Murrit replied. He ruffled his hand through Arcjec’s hair, which caused an already tensed up Taz to utter a rather terrifying growl. Murrit shuffled away a few steps, trying to play off his clear intimidation by the very on-edge clown.  
“See?” Murrit continued, “these two managed to push through the donkey-shit and let the good times flow today!”  
Occeus stopped a few feet away and gave the imprisoned Arcjec a pitying glance.  
“Ah, yes,” Occeus observed with heavy sarcasm, “That’s what that is.”  
The rather smart troll made a very not-smart decision by shifting his gaze upwards to meet the borderline murderous glare Taz was shooting at him. Arcjec swore he heard a bone crack under Taz’s increasingly hard grip. Occeus looked to Murrit as he gestured to Taz.  
“I’m rather insulted by your definition of ‘best folks’.” Occeus commented.  
“You three-eyed shit heaver, you wanna fucking die?” Taz shouted as Arcjec was tugged forward by the angry clown.  
“Oh shit.” A hastily approaching Albion exclaimed, placing herself between the two and assumed her auspitice duties, “Let’s try to cool it down you two.”  
Albion pushed Taz back with some resistance, Arcjec’s feet merely dragged against the floor in the clown’s platinum grip. Albion noticed Arcjec’s rather helpless state and could only flash him an understanding smile.  
“H-happy Yulepassing, Arcjec,”  
Arcjec actually opened his mouth to reply, but the air was catapulted out of him as Taz’s grip slipped off his arm and quickly caught and tightened around his neck. Albion gave a concerned frown and looked up at the now immovable Taz.  
“Taz, we talked about this. Would you consider possibly holding off on the hostilities for now?” she spoke cautiously.  
“Not sure you can hold something off that’s a core fiber of your being,” Occeus said.  
Taz began to stomp forward, Albion now being pushed back herself.  
“Oh, let me do the honors of ripping you apart and showing the crowd the putrid vile flowing in your veins!” Taz raged.  
“No!” Albion said, looking back to Occeus, “Can you not set her off for just one moment?!”  
Occeus huffed and turned away, which seemed to cool Taz’s rage a tiny bit. Albion looked up at her.  
“Taz, like we talked about, remember? Breathe, think it through,” she coached, now noticing the fading consciousness of Taz’s stress toy, “Also, you might want to let the troll you want to have a talk with take a breath. Just for a quick second?”  
Remembering Arcjec seemed to douse Taz’s heated rage into an small but intense simmer. She removed her hold, and Arcjec returned from the brink of unconsciousness and loudly sucked in air. He wanted to fall to the floor to hack and cough, but found himself merely dangling by a firm grasp on his waist. Taz was being quite, territorial, for just seeing Occeus.  
“Hey! If your clown, meat-stubs choke the life out of my friend, you are going to be in for a very bad time,” said the voice of the only person Arcjec knew who was going to make this situation worse.  
“What, the fuck, are you doing here?” Taz spat out with venom, her grip on Arcjec returning to its previous pressure.  
Arcjec saw Ellsee appear beside Occeus, sharing his glare at Taz. Murrit stepped beside Taz, fish ass now blocking most of Arcjec’s view on the brand new train-wreck around him.  
“The fuck is she doing here?” Murrit asked Occeus with almost equal venom.  
Ellsee made eye contact with the once again helpless Arcjec, who was starting to feel more like a prop than anything, and then shot both of them a defiant glare.  
“Well, since you literally forced my hand to attend this pointless event by disabling all my equipment for several days,” Occeus began, “I asked Ellsee to attend to make this all a touch more palatable.”  
“So, filth like you brought waste like her for company?” Taz taunted, “Sounds about right.”  
“I’d actually say I needed something of a filter from the radioactive toxins I’m stuck loitering around,” Occeus said, keeping his cool.  
Murrit pulled down his shades, not even acknowledging Ellsee with a glance.  
“Then I guess the good times are, in fact, over.”  
The loud slam of the doors, followed by the sudden illumination of the floor around them, seemed to say the “good times” were far from over.  
“Attention all Valued Citizens, please gather around the designated arena for the chosen Yulepassing Merriment Activity,” the monotone synthetic voice echoed throughout the facility. All the lights on the ground flashed in a organized chaotic dance, until they formed paths directing everyone to the arena they had all been standing around.  
Murrit pushed his shades back up and headed back to the larger group. Taz still shot daggers at the two last minute arrivals, and Occeus gestured towards the arena.  
“Muscle before memory, then?” he cracked.  
Albion tugged at the arm holding Arcjec in place.  
“Come on, Taz” she directed gently, “maybe this event will provide the perfect cathartic outlet.”  
Taz slowly let herself be led ahead, and Arcjec noticed Albion’s tugging was slightly loosening the hold on his waist. A sudden grasp and pull on his free arm caused him to slip out of the hold with audible pop. Taz noticed her newly free arm, and turned back to see Ellsee holding onto Arcjec and giving a rather crude gesture towards the angry clown. Said angry clown looked ready to pounce on the thief who had stolen from her, but a loud buzzing suddenly rang out.  
“Please direct your attention to the display above, as teams for the Yulepassing Merriment Activity are fairly, evenly, and without any bias, determined.”  
“Come on Taz,” Albion order more firmly than before, which seemed to work. Taz only responding with unsatisfied grumble. Arcjec wasn’t sure what was the worse option now, being on the same team as Taz or standing on the opposing side. Both seemed equally terrible.  
“Hey!” the peppy voice of Ellsee broke through his thoughts, “Sorry about all that, Arcjec. You’re okay, right?”  
Arcjec nodded, but found himself unable to speak. He tried several times, but nothing would come out. Maybe the off-the-tracks roller coaster he had just stumbled out of made his think-pan turn rouge, now forcing himself to remain silent for the rest of the day. Seeing the growing concern in Ellsee’s eyes, Arcjec mimed zipping his mouth shut and immolating the key, which seemed to be a satisfying answer for the lime-blood.  
“Oh… yeah that makes a lot of sense for you,” Ellsee stated.  
“Frankly I must admit jealousy towards your resolve, Arcjec,” Occeus said as he stood next to Ellsee, “I wish I had the will to silence myself around a cur like that. Oh the think-pan hermourages I could spare myself.”  
Occeus took Ellsee by the hand, who was clearly caught off guard by gesture, and began towards to group.  
“We might as well get this over with,” Occeus bemoaned.  
“Then bleached from our minds,” Ellsee added, holding tight onto Arcjec and leading him on.

======

All twelve merry timebombs of emotion, drama, and festering insecurities were now gathered in their designated arena. Above the lone, out of place wall was a much larger display, which flashed with shitty .GIFs that could only have been shoved off on some lowly Corporate intern to finish before they could leave for the day. With a blatantly terrible star wipe, the screen shifted to an outline of the very arena they now stood it.  
“Valued Citizens,” the familiar voice echoed, “The clearly un-biased, fairness selection has been completed. When your designation is announced, please head to your assigned side of the arena.”  
“Anyone else think they ran out of time, and just recycled a department training program with swapped out terms?” Sovara asked the gathering. Most of whom nodded in agreement. The common ground surprised Arcjec, standing in the back with Occeus and Ellsee. Neither of them had let go of their holdings once they arrived, which included him. Arcjec didn’t want to look, but could feel the intense malice being shot in their direction by a certain furious clown.  
“The gathered Valued Citizens shall be divided into a two TEAMS. The RED TEAM, and the BLUE TEAM.”  
Arcjec jumped as the arena beneath his feet split into two colored halves, one red and the other blue. Arcjec was not at all surprised that those were the chosen colors. Once again, he blamed the very real symmetry choker.  
“First RED TEAM member is: MURRIT TURKIN. Please go to your assigned section.”  
“WHOOP, WHOOP,” Murrit exclaimed with a relit enthusiasm as he strut to the red side, “This right here? This is where it is at y’all!”  
Arcjec could feel the collective sign of the group, though some chuckles leaked out.  
“First BLUE TEAM member is: CALDER KERIAN. Please go to your assigned section.”  
“Ah, yes,” Calder called at as he stepped on the blue half, “the civilized team welcomes all to its ranks.”  
“Second RED TEAM member is: SERPAZ HELILO. Please go to your assigned section.”  
“Aw shit,” Murrit cheered as Serpaz headed towards him, “What it is gurl? Welcome to fame and fortune!”  
Serpaz couldn’t help but laugh at the energized MCing Murrit was doing.  
“Second BLUE TEAM member is: ALBION SHUKRA. Please go to your assigned section.”  
“Welcome to the ‘right’ side,” Calder said as he bowed. Arcjec could see he felt the need to somewhat compete with Murrit’s… Murrit-ness. Which was going to be an interesting disaster to see unfold.  
“Third RED TEAM member is: LAIVAN FERROO. Please go to your assigned section.”  
“Ow, ow, oowwww!” Murrit howled, “We gots a lit beast with his best gurl ova her!”  
Arcjec made eye contact with a slightly embarrassed Laivan, who could only flash him a small nod. Then a wide-eyed, rather nervous nod, the universal symbol of “shit is really bad right behind you.”  
“Wait, Taz, stop!” Albion called in a hushed voice from the red side. Ellsee’s sudden focus in front of her was all Arcjec needed to know they had been rejoined by Taz. Arcjec saw Taz glare down the arm Ellsee had been holding onto, then back to the still forward facing limeblood.  
“Holding on awfully tight to a troll who isn’t your matesprit.” Taz charged.  
“Maybe he just confessed his moirail crush to me after I freed him of your hazardous company.” Ellsee offered calmly, but not mussing a beat. Taz rolled her eyes.  
“Nuh-uh, we both know the mutt with the proportionate attention span is over by his team,” Taz glanced over to Laivan, who quickly looked away.  
Arcjec felt Ellsee’s grip tighten on his arm, but after a murmur from Occeus she slowly let go.  
“You need a better poker face to swing against the pros.” Taz chuckled at her victory. Something inside told Arcjec that a similar fury to Taz’s was building up inside Ellsee, and he was unsurprisingly going to be right in the middle of both.  
“Fourth RED TEAM member is: DISMAS MERSIV. Please-”  
“WHAT THE FUCK!?!” Rang out the welcome distraction of Dismas apparently losing his shit, “NO, FUCK THIS! SUCK MY JOSTLING SHAME GLOBES!!!”  
“Ey, Dismas, take a cooling tablet,” Murrit called out, which did not help.  
“I’LL FUCKING RIP YOUR EYES OUT THROUGH YOUR FLIMSY EYEWEAR!!!” wailed Dismas with tons of bark and little bite. Arcjec, usually inclined to leave others to their breakdowns, glanced around for the cause to Dismas’s. It became apparent when Arcjec saw Dismas’s moirail, doing their part to calm him down, had been placed on the blue team.  
“Dismas, I think you’re going to be okay,” Serpaz tried to comfort him, “It’s just for the activity.”  
“YEAH, SURE, ‘IT’LL BE FINE’, SAYS THE GIRL WHOSE MATESPRIT IS RIGHT NEXT TO HER! YEAH, REAL FAIR!”  
“Please go to your assigned section,” the dispassionate voice repeated.  
“FUCK YOU!” Dismas railed at the screen, “I’LL BREAK YOUR SPINE AND DEFECATE  
ON YOUR NEXT SODDING MEAL!!!”  
After many more shooshes and paps failed to calm to raging masked troll, the far bigger painted troll with immensely more rage had had enough.  
“Thank you for your shameless display of your immense insecurity,” Taz called out, “Now get your ass over to your side of the arena before I break it and effortlessly kick it there.”  
Dismas shot Taz and intense stare fueled with murderous intent, but Taz quickly shot a no-nonsense and patience-thinned look back. It was enough to cause Dismas to retreat, but Arcjec could almost see the steam fizzling off of his head.  
“No one’s getting their way today,” Taz said, clearly talking to Arcjec, “Save your tantrum for a venue where people give a shit and you’re not wasting your time.”  
Arcjec hated it when it happened, but Taz sometimes had some rather poignant thoughts. Often way too harsh, but nonetheless held a certain logic to them.  
“Fourth BLUE TEAM member is: OCCEUS COLLAD. Please go to your assigned section.”  
Occeus headed towards his team and almost dragged Ellsee along with him, as if he forgot their intertwined hands. As Occeus rambled apologies Ellsee gave him a smile and let go.  
“Mirthmainiacs give that team a swift end,” Taz commented. Ellsee returned beside Arcjec and scoffed.  
“What makes you sure that team won’t be yours?”  
“Fifth RED TEAM member is: TAZSIA POEMME. Please go to your assigned section.”  
Arcjec watched Taz face Ellsee and walk backwards with a confident swagger.  
“Let’s just say I have an eighth-sense for choosing winners,” Taz preened. She gave Arcjec a quick wink, which made both him and Ellsee shudder. Taz assumed position with rest of her team, eyeing down Dismas from an attempt at an ill-fated comeback.  
“Fifth BLUE TEAM member is: ELLSEE RAINES. Please head to your assigned section.”  
“Oh thank gods, yes!” Ellsee excitedly cheered to herself. She gave a beaming look at Arcjec, “I have a feeling we’re going to win this!”  
Ellsee happily strut over to join her team, while Dismas started to lose his shit once again.  
“WHAT THE FUCK!?!!?!” was his only outburst this round, probably due to the scary clown within arms reach of him.  
Both Ellsee and Occeus gave Taz an eager staredown, but Arcjec was surprised to see Taz wasn’t returning the look. Instead, she was watching him. In fact almost everyone was now looking in his direction. Without realizing it he was in the last pair to be selected. The second round of group-wide, undivided attention made him feel very exposed. He turned to see Sovara approach, giving a reassuring smile.  
“Best for last, right?” she said. Arcjec gave a small nod, but was distracted somewhat from the two channels of whispering coming from either team. In one ear he could swear he heard Ellsee, praying? Chanting might be a better word for it. In the other, he again swore he heard Taz letting out some rather explicit threats to whoever was listening if she didn’t get what she wanted.  
“Final RED TEAM member is: SOVARA AMALIE.”  
In the one ear, Arcjec heard the excited shriek of Ellsee. In the other there nothing but a bitter silence.  
“Final BLUE TEAM member is: ARCJEC VOORAT.”  
Ellsee let out some loud cheers as Arcjec’s walk to his team seemed to drag on for hours. He didn’t need to look at the opposite side, he could feel just how bad this situation was. Turns out, it probably would’ve been easier if he had been on Taz’s team. The mystery that wasn’t ever a mystery to anyone other than him for less than five minutes was now solved. Illuminati-nation: confirmed.  
Fuck my life.

====== 

The teams stood in even lines, matched up against the other side. Murrit smirked across at Calder. Serpaz playfully smiled at Ellsee. Dismas was on the edge of the dividing line, talking to his moirail. Taz had been positioned across from her moirail. Lavian faced down Occeus. And Sovara stood against Arcjec.  
“Corporate would like to begin the Yulepassing Merriment Acitivity by reminding all valued participants that this even is meant to engender strong unity amongst those within a clique,” the synthetic voice dronned,  
“Not just amongst those in committed relationships,” which earned a Dismas growl,  
“Building closer bonds with all clique members will ensure the further prosperity of Repiton, and civilization as a whole,” Calder gave a far too loud laugh at that.  
“The Activity selected by the group organizer, MURRIT TURKIN, is SPHERE-AVOIDANCE.”  
At that announcement, six holes opened up on the dividing line and six corresponding spheres, bigger than someone’s hand but smaller than their head, rose from the ground. Each had glowing rings around them, all currently white.  
“Sphere Avoidance, really?” Calder glared at Murrit who threw up his hands.  
“Ey esse, our options were this, Deep Dive Surviving, or Hive Jousting,” Murrit replied.  
None of them sounded good in Arcjec’s mind, so this was arguably the least worst of the bunch.  
“You know that it was a sickening display the higher-class engaged with the heads of… their victims,” Calder caught himself and finished carefully.  
“Thought you were going be whining that it was invented by the mirthmainiacs of yore,” Taz taunted.  
“Reminder of the official rules,” the voice interrupted the pre-game banter, “Anyone hit with a sphere is OUT, and if able must step to the sidelines. Hits are not valid if spheres bounce off of playing area. A caught ball shall take out the player who threw it and bring the first player out on the catchers team back in. Last player left in the arena shall win the game for their team.”  
Everyone took their positions at the ends of the arena.  
”The activity shall commence at the count of three,”  
“Two”  
“One”  
“Commence Merriment.”  
Arcjec had never imagined being in a war before, but if this game was anything like it he thought he was good to never try the real thing. Each team sprinted towards the spheres, Red grabbing four and Blue snatching two. The sphere’s held by each team suddenly glowed their respective colors. Arcjec thought the game would be a slow burn, as each side carefully studied their opponents and took measured shots at the other. This was thrown out the window by the lightning fast out of Occeus by a clean hit from Taz. Arcjec heard something crunch from the almost invisible shot.  
“Wait, are these things actually metal?” Serpaz asked with curious shock. Tapping on the top of her own sphere confirmed the fact that yes, these were in fact metal spheres.  
“Holy shit,” Laivan replied, “I thought they were just really over-produced balls,”  
“The game is called ‘Sphere-Avoidance,’” Taz chided as the sphere from her hit landed back in her hand, “Not ‘ball-dodging’, num nuts.”  
Ellsee helped Occeus to his feet, as a small but noticeable stream of blood flowed from a the gash in his face.  
“Bye now,” Taz waved at him, her mood leagues better than before.  
Occeus flashed his teeth at her, but did make his way through the volley of spheres to the sideline. Arcjec didn’t have a lot of confidence in what would happen if a shot like that came in his direction, which added fuel to the fire of his somewhat impressive avoidance efforts. One shot, from Laivan, came so close to his nose that Arcjec once again found himself on his ass to avoid it. The volley seemed endless, until Taz scored another, though quite less heated, out on someone. Arcjec coudn’t tell who until Dismas flew into a very intense third rage.  
“WHAT THE FUCK!?! ARE YOU A FUCKING SAVAGE GRUB SHULKER?!?!” Dismas screamed right into Taz’s rather uncaring face. Arcjec watched as Dismas’s moirail quietly made their way to sideline behind Occeus.  
“Uh, Dismas I’m fine,” they called out.  
“Better listen, facemask” Taz said as she retrieved her sphere with single hand.  
“OR WHAT, YOU SOULLESS FINGER-PAI-”  
A piercing crack cut off Dismas’ rant, and he collapsed on the floor. Taz’s eyes glowed a dangerous purple for a brief moment, as she retrieved her sphere yet again.  
“That’s… against the rules, isn’t it?” asked Sovara. Looking up at the display, Dismas was shown to be out of play, and likely unconscious from a cracked chest plank.  
“I guess an out is an out, regardless of team.” Laivan surmised, as he quickly dragged Dismas’ unconscious body to the sideline. Arcjec would’ve wondered if he was alright, but everyone knew he had be through far worse than a sphere thrown by an angry troll. Not a lot, but enough.  
The game proceeded onward, and the oftentimes insane athleticism and endurance within the group caused the intensity to sky rocket. As it did, the theme of the match quickly turned into the Red team kicking the shit out the Blue team. Albion barely missed avoiding a hit to the foot by Sovara, who apologized up and down while Albion just laughed it off. Arcjec found him next to Calder, who tried to rally their team as a leader, lasting about five seconds before Laivan grazed him on the shoulder.  
Just like that, Arcjec found it was two against five. Seeing as he was one of the two, it was more like one and a sack filled with dirt against five. Dismas was right, fair my ass. Murrit approached the line, sphere in hand and a smirk plastered on his face.  
“Well, Arc-man, ya’ll put up a hell of a show,” he said as he extended a hand, “Now, how’d you feel about negotiating your terms of just surrender?”  
From the corner of his eye he saw Laivan chuckle, while Taz grew hauntingly glowing at the idea.  
Once again, everyone’s attention was back on him. Though in this case it had some sort of purpose to it, as no one saw the crackling throw from Ellsee that connected with Dismas’s outstretched hand.  
“Ow, mutha FUCKER!” Murrit broke character. Both he and Arcjec looked back at the gloating limeblood, who waved Murrit off almost exactly like Taz had done to Occeus. Arcjec noticed too late to warn Ellsee of the two shots coming right at her, but she twirled out of the way seemingly effortlessly. She stopped in front of Arcjec, who only gave her a confused look.  
“What? It’s all in the joints!” she explained without really explaining a damn thing.  
She graciously twirled out of a shot, thrown by Serpaz, which was now sailing directly for Arcjec’s face.  
“Oh gosh, Arcjec watch out!” she exclaimed, clearly not having intended to break his face. Of course Arcjec found it was easier to be told to scramble out of the way like flailing treebeast, then actually get your body to cooperate in the face of literal face-pounding danger. He braced himself for the slap into unconsciousness, but for some reason it never came. Opening his eyes, he found Ellsee’s hand mere inches from his face. The red glow painting him from between her fingers shifted to a far more welcome blue. Serpaz breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she made her way to the sideline. Ellsee flashed Arcjec a proud smile, and she tossed the sphere to a newly brought-back Occeus without even looking.  
Ellsee helped Arcjec back to his feet, right as Occeus managed to hit Laivan in the center of his pelvis. He rolled backwards, but landed on his feet and with an uncomfortable smile made his way to the sideline. Ellsee couldn’t help but smile bigger at the turned tides, and for a moment Arcjec believed they were going to win this thing. That moment ended with a sharp hit to Occeus’s back by who else but Taz. He and Ellsee just glared at her.  
“Ooh, my bad,” she mocked as she kicked another sphere up began to bounce it in her hand, “Next time I won’t miss your head.”  
Occeus returned to the sideline, which left the teams dead even.Taz was clearly the work muscle-beast between her and Sovara. Each of them now had two spheres in their hands, with one rolling behind them and the last one being picked up by Ellsee. This next volley, someone was getting out. With some sort of non-verbal communication, Sovara and Taz each took a shot at Ellsee, who dodged easily out of the way and behind Arcjec. This seemed to be what they wanted, as Taz feigned a throw at Arcjec, while Sovara sent one curving at his legs.  
Clever girls. Arcjec was trapped. If he somehow managed to dodge the shot to his legs, it would easily hit Ellsee before she could see it coming. If she went out before him, this merriment activity was going to be over. Arcjec paused, wondering why that wasn’t his top priority? The sooner this ended, the sooner he could leave and go back home. He hadn’t expected to get somewhat caught up in a Corporate mandated near-deathmatch of all things. It was… fun.  
His musings were rather abruptly ended by a sudden hit to his leg that (and repeat it with me folks) made him lose his balance and fall on his ass again. And that was it, his game was over. If he was honest though, it hadn’t hurt as bad as he was expecting. Probably because it wasn’t a sphere, but a kick from a very in-the-zone limeblood that sent him tumbling at just the right angle to narrowly avoid the oncoming sphere. The elegant avoidance twirl came to an end with a hefty throw by Ellsee, which made direct contact with Sovara’s knee. She was out, Arcjec was still in, and it was now two against one in their favor.  
Each side was even with three spheres. Arcjec stood more like a spectator than a player, while Ellsee and Taz stared each other down. Arcjec wasn’t sure what they were waiting for, but it came in a flash. Ellsee flicked a quick shot at Taz’s legs, which was easily deflected with one Taz’s own spheres. Taz launched two spheres with dangerous speed with what could easily have been called a war-cry. While Taz clearly had the power, it was easily nullified by Ellsee’s delicate yet swift footwork. The unstoppable force had in fact met the untouchable object, as the saying went. Neither was going to win without some unexpected play.  
Leave it to the liimeblood to pull out the unexpected. In her flurry of moves, Ellsee locked eyes with Arcjec and gave him a playful wink. She then landed on both feet, picked up a sphere, and launched it right at him. Arcjec scrambled back, kicking a sphere that had landed near him toward Ellsee by accident. The team-killing sphere drew closer and closer, until it was suddenly smashed out of his face with a loud crack by another sphere. Taz had barely managed to save Arcjec with that move, and in the process left herself defenseless. Ellsee struck like lightning, grabbing the kicked sphere with a somersault and taking a direct shot at Taz’s exposed abs. That looked like the match.  
Except it wasn’t. Taz’s movement changed to a somewhat crude copy of Ellsee’s. Using a one-handed handstand to avoid the sphere by less than three inches. At the same time, the sphere she had used to deflect the shot at Arcjec bounced back over his head and right into her free hand. Taz fell into a roll and lobbed the sphere, which connected with Ellsee’s back a second before she could reach a sphere of her own to block it with.  
Arcjec was stunned by what could only be described as a lethal dance that had just occurred before him. Both of them were dripping in sweat, but only one remained in the arena. Arcjec never bothered with sports broadcasts before, but he had a feeling this was where the crowd was supposed to erupt with cheers at the feats before them. Yet it was dead silent in the facility.  
Here it was, last trolls standing. It was clear to everyone just how one-sided this whole thing already was and was going to end up. However, it wasn’t exactly a done deal. Taz might’ve had the edge in… almost every stat you could think of, but there was only a single sphere on her side of the field. If she missed, Arcjec would have six attempts to hit her. She was also clearly exhausted, which improved the odds of one of those attempts making contact. It was also because of who was left standing that didn’t guarantee any outcome.  
Arcjec watched as the drained clown-troll slowly retrieved her last shot. She passed it back and forth between hands, clearly contemplating her next move. Arcjec had actually taken the initiative for once and rounded up each of the spheres into a group behind him. Taz stared straight into him. Arcjec felt like it was an attempt to try and tell him something. With a calm, but surprisingly content grin, Taz pulled back and whiffed her shot quite high into the air.  
“Arcjec! Catch it!” Ellsee called from the sidelines. Suddenly everyone else joined in the cheers, as Arcjec watched the ball quickly descend. He backed up further and further, but the growing shouts from the others and growing shape of the sphere plummeting towards him were the final push of sensory overload that sent his head truly spinning. This made him forget about the group of spheres behind him, which managed to trip and somehow launch him backwards. The plummeting sphere made contact with Arcjec at the apex of his fall, sending quickly to the ground. Suddenly, everything went black.

======

“...JEC ….AT…”  
“ARC..C ..ORAT…”  
“ARCJEC VOORAT, Congratulations,” a quite unwelcomingly familiar voice echoed throughout the facility. Arcjec slowly came to, noticing immediately that everyone was bandaged up in some way. This included himself, sporting a rather suffocating wrap around his stomach.  
“ARCJEC VOORAT, Congratulations on your victory,” the synthetic voice repeated, “As the winner or sole survivor of your chosen Yulepassing Merriment Activity, you likey embody the true meaning of Yulepassing.”  
Sovara was right, this thing had to be a modded corporate trainer,  
“As such, please pull on the descending Merriment Line and unleash your Yulepassing prize.”  
Arcjec found a thin silver wire suddenly in his face, which seemed to reach all the way to the ceiling. He grabbed hold of it, but stopped and looked at the group around him. Everyone nodded in his direction, Elsse gave an enthusiastic clap and Taz an approving smile.  
“You know, I still think this holiday is a complete fucking scam,” Arcjec found himself able to speak once again, “But maybe focusing so much on that devalues what it's actually trying to be about.”  
Arcjec looked up and pulled on the wire.  
“Happy Yulepassing everyo-”  
Suddenly the facility was flooded with multi colored slips of paper. They all seemed to be half off for the newly released and heavily tanking flavor of Moutnain Dew, Sour Peppermint. Arcjec was joined in his angry shouts by many of his peers that day, as they all realized the true meaning of Yulepassing. That a large, global corporation will use every form of emotional manipulation to sell you fucking anything.  
And that’s the totally legit, totally (not)canon* tale of how Arcjec learned the reason for the season, and not an exaggerated fantasy of a game where Arcjec totally won and wasn’t knocked out by Taz in the first fifteen seconds. Yup. Sure is. Maybe.

Happy Yulepassing Everyone!  
August

*Unless Austin or someone with authority wants to make it so, or take and reuse anything here in canon. It’s all free game!


End file.
